Childrens Self Esteem

Parents have a lot to worry about. How can you keep kids safe when they are out of sight? How do you teach them to withstand the negative influences of peers, movies, competing ethics and values that vie for their attention nearly everyday? Frequently parents ask me, "How can I know that the kind of parenting I practice will encourage a strong sense of self-esteem in my child, while at the same time making sure not to overwhelm him with unrealistic expectations?

These days it is much easier to figure out the best way to support your child’s developing self-esteem than ever before. Educators have done so many studies on the positive benefits of nurturing self-esteem in children that there are now clearly-identifiable differences between the family lives of children who exhibit high self-esteem and those who exhibit low self-esteem.

For example, Dr. Stanley Coopersmith, of the University of California, discovered that the parents of high self-esteem kids generally demonstrated more love and acceptance of there children through simple everyday expressions of affection and attention than did the parents of low self-esteem kids. The latter parents tended to be highly critical and vocally-judgmental of there children most of the time.

At the same time, contrary to what "conventional wisdom" might suggest, the parents of high self-esteem kids were less permissive, less ambiguous and more consistent about there expectations for there children’s behavior .The parents of low self-esteem kids tended to be in consistent and unclear about their expectations. Either they never set rules, or they didn’t follow through with enforcement of their rules when they did set them.

In addition, children with high self-esteem tended to come from families with an overall democratic tone and practice. They grew up believing that their options mattered, even when they were quite young. Their parents paid attention to them and to their needs and wants, and took their suggestions and contributions seriously.

As always, the most powerful tool that you have for nurturing a positive attitude about life in your children is your own example on a daily basis. You are the ever-present mirror that reflects back to your children whether the world is basically a safe, loving, positive place, or a frightening , insecure and anxiety-producing jungle. It is often difficult for parents to accept the responsibility of their own power and influence over their kids, but the reality is that as the adult, you set the tone for life itself with your children.